Today I was personally confronted in an email from someone who not only disagrees with my views on social justice and equity, but assumes I’m not thoughtful and informed or as smart as he is.
I know that fighting back will drag me in deeper to the frustration and anger. I need to release the emotion that pushes me to want to fight back with all I’ve got for the sake of the kids and our planet.
Talking with my son about it, first he was outraged and wanted to protect me. Then he found the one way to stick a pin in the power of those words. We laughed at the nonsense of it. We made up responses that were what we really wanted to say (but would never say). I imagined friends who are trained in building a case to take on and demolish the irrational statements. I found quotes like this one from William F. Buckley, Jr: I won’t insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said.
Turns out we actually change physiologically when we laugh. We stretch muscles throughout our face and body, our pulse and blood pressure go up, and we breathe faster, sending more oxygen to our tissues.
Robert R. Provine, professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County and author of Laughter: A Scientific Investigation says that while definitive research into the health benefits of laugher aren’t yet done, the most convincing health benefit he’s seen from laughter is its ability to dull pain. Numerous studies of people in pain or discomfort have found that when they laugh they report that their pain doesn’t bother them as much.
I’m thinking about all the times in schools we face emotional pain–when we are confronted and insulted, offended and chastised. When we struggle to reach a student, when policies prevent us from doing what we think a student needs, when we see kids try to be good students without skills, background or internal stability needed.
The frustration is not harmless to our well being and self efficacy.
I want to suggest (and try myself) finding a way to laugh when we are feeling our worst, especially when we find ourselves stuck in an endless round of venting. Not in order to forget the challenge but in order to let go of the dark emotions and discouragement and find our joy, hope and energy to keep fighting the good fight (not the worthless fight).
My thoughts exactly, though I admit it still takes me longer to locate my sense of humor with some people/situations than with others. Congrats on having a son who can help you get there, a testament to fine parenting, I’d say. These are ridiculously busy days in my school life, with several months of unmanageable deadlines ahead. Thanks for this timely reminder.
Sitting at the end of a hallway at lunchtime in a school in their first week of PAARC testing. I don’t think I’m imagining the underlying tension yet kids are giggling and playing. They know what they need.