Etymology of the word ‘complain,’ follows deep roots of our English Language:
from Middle English: complaynen
from Old French complaindre
from Medieval Latin complangere (to bewail)
from Latin com-(together) + plangere (to strike, beat, as the breast in extreme grief, bewail)
Once, we thought sharing our outrage with each other might ease the pain or lead to actions. That rarely happened. We usually felt worse afterward. Lately, I’ve noticed we stop ourselves with the first sentence. I guess we’ve learned complaining takes us down the dark rabbit hole and leave us there to claw our way out again.
Still I was interested in the ongoing temptation to complain and what might be constructive in that drive we have to name and share our woes. I also have a hunch that just keeping the thought to ourselves, pretending the problem isn’t here, doesn’t help either.
In many strategic planning processes, a first step is identifying the problem. Perhaps that is our goal with complaining–we are identifying the problem so we can find a pathway toward a solution. When the problems are not in our sphere of control, authority or even influence, we are stuck in the dis-ease.
What can we do? While I have not yet found a solution, I have explored ways to tell the stories of our worries to ourselves and each other so we are not lost in the darkness of our complaints. We do want to do something about the issues.
Sometimes just shifting our perspective by stepping back to see a bigger picture changes the context. These following four questions, courtesy of Harvard Family Research Project ( ‘Strategic Planning Process: Steps in Developing Strategic Plans,’ by
Diane Schilder) can guide either an informal or formal conversation looking for a way to come out of complaint into resolution—either specific large or small actions to take or at least a broader understanding of the situation–so that we leave a conversation with something more than uneasy venting.
Instead of only focusing on the negative, consider: Where are we? This could mean that we not only focus on the high number of students who are not turning in homework but the number of students who have jobs after school, siblings to take care of, have or lack the skills to do the writing, are or aren’t engaged in class, in clubs, in socializing, teachers collaborating or coordinating homework time, type of homework, opportunities for individualized help that students do or do not use…..
Then look at that picture to answer: What do we have to work with? Perhaps students are compliant in class or engaged in activities, teachers with expertise in teaching writing, a few teachers whose students do their homework or teachers who don’t assign homework or try innovative practices like flipped classrooms, community agencies involved, tutoring opportunities, consistent or inconsistent grading policies based on task completion or learning, professional learning communities or department meetings where teachers talk about what they’re doing….
You are developing a picture that is not negative or positive but hopefully, full and straightforward. Then you can think about: Where do we want to be? Do you want to find a way to get more kids doing homework? What does success look like for your students? What do you want them to get from doing homework?
Looking at this fuller picture than just the problem that was the initial impetus for the conversation, what do you see you can do: How do we get there? You could let go of assumptions about how things have to be and consider what if you stopped giving homework, what would students gain or lose, what kind of homework you assign, changing grading policy to differentiate between grades for task completion and grades for learning, focus groups for students about homework–support and obstacles…..
Whether I have used these four questions in a formal meeting or just held them in my mind as a scaffold for myself or someone else with a complaint, I have found this is one way to voice concern and even pain over a situation with a chance of moving out of the hole and into possibilities.